09 dezembro 2015

hard things

[first post in english, guessing it was about time]

you know, the hardest thing about living abroad is not adapting to the culture, learning the language, finding an apartment, getting a job,
the hardest thing is knowing, in your heart, that it'll be years before you can say you have a true, deep friendship in this new country
the hardest thing is knowing that your real friends and family are only a whatsapp message or skype call or facebook message away, but that it is not immediate; there's no calling for a spontaneous coffee somewhere, no instant comfort when something's up, no 'can you come over later today'

you tend to get together with people you are somehow familiar with; most of the time, with people who come from the same or neighbouring country as yours;
the thing is - and you only realize it after you've tripped on a few disappointments - the only thing these people have in common with you is the fact that they come from your country;
you are involuntarily part of a group just because of your nationality. you think, Hey, cool, I can relate to these people, I am not alone. You don't however predict that these people might not be cool; they might be racist, childish, stupid, selfish or they might just not be your kind of person. but, because of your heritage, you turn to it, over and over again, because somewhere inside you there is something that tricks you into thinking it's good belonging in this group.
actually, it feels nice to belong in any group. we are social creatures, we need this comfort. it's just that this particular group... well, it sucks. and the hardest thing is, you know you want out - you don't really like any of the people there - but what then? you'll be the excluded member, being judged because you don't engage in activities with a group of people you don't like. tricky sticky situation.

the hardest thing, I'm telling you, is getting your head above the surface in this heavy atmosphere of silently enforced friendship.
and realizing there so many nice people out there, so many.

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